Before you condemn her

The first time I heard the "N" word used by a white person was in my
high school lunchroom. A classmate whispered stupid "N" as a young
Black man walked by him. The whole table erupted in laughter as I, the
only Black person at the table, sat fearing that I would be next. One
of my girls at the table noticed my discomfort and said " Don't worry…
you're not a "N," you're one of us." Having somehow acquired some
higher value in their eyes, and safe from their contempt I sat in
silence.
As a Black Woman and a survivor in Durham, I am now reliving the fear and
confusion of that experience constantly. I feel a heaviness in my
chest as I breathe air thick with racism, classism and misogyny, and
dodge careless verbal assaults and contemptuous glares as I choose
along with other survivors, to step away from the "safety of silence,"
because, as the poet Audre Lorde once said "Your silence will not
protect you."
So before you condemn her think for a moment about the things not
being said in the media, things irrelevant to the D.A and defense team
that are urgent to Black woman survival.
Consider for a moment the violence placed upon our bodies long before
either dancer entered that house. Consider the violence of a group of
drunken White men specifically and deceitfully requesting us as
dancers. And consider the assaults on us as these men spewed threats
and racial slurs at them. Consider the violence of entire communities
venomously condemning, one woman as she seeks a justice entitled to
her under the laws of this country, and lastly consider what it must
feel like to be a Black survivor in Durham. No our silence will not
protect us, "So it is better to speak"(also Audre Lorde).

I'mma Heal ME

And you think you know ME… cause you saw a girl like ME… in a book by an anti-ME, who sniffed MY shit when he was in school.
Don’t get it twisted…
Anthropology don’t mean you know ME
My badd to the anthropology degree

And you think you can heal ME… cause you know the man who killed ME, riddled MY life with “what if “ hypothesis.
His DNA charging you with scrutiny, you performed your duties well…
Serving up invisibility… you smother ME in flowery blankets of muli-cultural
Selling pre-fabricated images in Ninth Street shops
Sowing hollow seed to deplete mal-nourished souls
You spread mad cow diseased shit over ME and kill fertile soil… tip-toeing between ME and MY self

You don’t know nuthin bout ME
And My SIRvival names your destiny

And when dawn breaks I am Sun kissed Sankofa
Snug hugged, sista loved
Head nestled in a napped neck bathed in hints of Peacefire oil.
I’m plotting revolution with six forks in a five dollar piece of sweet cream pie,
and meeting Audre through Lex
as Zach pumps Sweet Honey through my veins
I am strong now
I am fed
Nourished through poets writers and song
Booty windin Hips grindin to Lauryn cause
Hell yeah “ You just lost one”
And Aiden and ME…
We pick steel door dead bolt locks for Patty Sue
Cause we know
Freedom Looks like squirrels mating on rooftops,
and mama birds nesting in second story dryer ducts
Creating home despite your destruction.
Outside the big box, where Ubuntu grows.
I got ME
So if you think you know ME cause you saw a girl like ME in a book
Think again

And to be clear...

And to be clear…
I love… need… cherish… respect and honor
you
And without doubt…I have always wanted you
I mean
How else can WE exist

And to be clear…
Daddy
Brotha
Uncle
Son
And my Love…Oh my Love
There is no image without US… tied
No point of begin or end…
Black love Sweat dripped… glistening sweet
Melodic moans, rhythmic heartbeats mimicing djembe drums
This Here
This is WE
Floating space across time
As Angela croons in the background
“Tonight I gave in to the feeling…”
As WE love the way WE know

But to be clear…
This weight on my shoulders don’t make me strong
And marrow depletion shrinks me to osteoporosis… Bones crack from gentle wind

Clearly…
This story can’t be told through muted truth
When I turn to see it’s you blowing breeze to my nothing
Forcing me back to that place with no voice, no words, no space to love WE… again
And if HIStory is told without her
I will never be whole
So why you ain’t got my back
And if HIStory is told without her
Our daughters will continually be raped

So to be clear…
WE need you king
I mean
How else can WE heal but
Side by
Side by
Side by
Side …

R.I.P. Talya Butterfly

Conceived in broken
found US in womb silent space
Giving birth to free...

Our Babies have so much to say

When Tierra Speaks...

Black like the dark and lonely night.
Movement Heavy like heart beating keeping it tight.
Ferocious like a tiger. I take what’s mine.
Brown like golden sugar yeah it’s one of a kind.
Dancing like hip hop I’m nice and trendy
Compare myself to a porche so sweet and independent
Tease me like I’m just a wolf in the night
Like a drum you beatin me down caus I want to see my name in lights.
Brown skin and Beautiful That’s who I seem to be
Shivering, shake tryin to figure out where life might take me.
Walkin with pride cause I know I got heart.
L.A. Got dreams ain’t no tearing them apart.

When April Speaks...

Red like Blood dripping from a thug
I can sing like Whitney Houston but
I can’t rap like bobby
I’m beautiful like a butterfly
Hot wings is the best
I plan to be a lawyer because I can argue you down like a dog
I drive a Porche cause a Porche is for the Black and Beautiful
I like to hear a drum cause the beat drives me wild.
My eyes are brown like a pretty puppy
My hair is Black like the darkness in the woods
My skin is sexy chocolate like the Mrs. Goodbar
I fear a snake but it resembles my shape
I walk with the world on my shoulders
My people call me “Lil Bit” but I stand tall and brush the dirt off my shoulders

Untitled as of yet

Weighted sacrifice
I am seducing you through fears and abandonment
Playing hidden under-sleeve card hands in a delicately mastered game
Queen of Hearts
fatal drippings of slow medieval bloodlettings,
We are dead long before the lacerations reveal
an absence of poison we were sure created unworthy
Lifeless our pain lines streets indisputably free the disease of contempt
We are forfeit
Bearing souls while holding familiar infliction
Clenching just enough
Enough self-induced disdain for the “unprincipled” opportunist
We are blurred by benefit
drunk with sour tasting submission.


I mean what else can you do… but pity me with love?


And the tiny voice whispers

Stop
Wait
Come

Dance between flames unconditional
Where hints of light show brown flickers in your eyes
In your eyes…
Where I see all of me
Us eternally twined balancing laughter to tear

Come
Here
WITH Me

Enter pathways laced in warm
Where sweet chocolate fudge melts in truth teller palates wet with anticipation…speaking forgiveness
And we play...
Fusing intricate our puzzles
and like childhood connect the dots, glide pencils easy along a page
1…2 to 3…4 to 5…
an exquisite butterfly breathing life into blank space
We are convolute
Shedding super-shero’s capes soaked red in oppressor blood
Healing through naked creation

We be FREE now
We be new

And the tiny voice whispers
Know
Me
Engage
We
In safe… In home

To Breathe You

“Thank you Talya for surviving
For as long as you could girl you kept on smiling
Thank you for opening your eyes when
I know that you were tired
Darling you inspire me…”

Visited me near Shackleford
Mamasita serenade whispered through saltwater sands
And florescent winged silence whisked along ocean Breeze

And I inhaled Orange Chakra… to breathe you

I inhaled Orange Chakra…to breathe you
through Unfed placenta’s crack belly wombs
Can you Name me who chose you
Which ancestor flowed
Cause “Failure to thrive” survives naysayer’s taunts... if you got a job to do
And a 3lb 3 oz fireball burns, if you try to smother her light.

And green Butterflies still sing you
And Josephine’s spirit celebrates you
And I inhale Orange Chakras to breathe you
As you breathe me through night…

Breathing “Hush now I am here”
Where haunting man-raped dreams reside
Breathing Hush now and you’ll hear Black butterfly song

And the radio danced you through clouds with Aunt Mauti
Past boundaries of meaningless death
Cause struggle names you life
And you survive in sweet dreams of forgiveness

And I inhale Orange Chacra to breathe you
And I inhale Orange Chakra to you

“MamaSita…MamaSita
You are number one
number one Talya…”

When Tal Tal speaks...

From Jobee,
Hush.
Let’s put no thought into it.
Forget what you know and what makes sense for a minute.
Just Hush.
Let the silence set in.
Quiet all the knowledge ‘cause too much fogs the vision.
Too many facts shatter the dreams and I need y’all to believe.
To Believe
In possibilities
And know that I am Here.
I am Here.
Flowing through the veins of the roses
So pure
Like the water
You can see me if you focus.
I am Here.
Bending the petals of the lotus
And you’d know this if you’re open
You can feel my breath through wind.
I’ve been given opportunity to use the elements
To Comfort and to Soothe
So, that is what I do.
I rain
So gently on the strength of your manes
I Rise in the morning and Rest in the shade.
I whisper through the grass.
It’s my favorite place to play.
I call to you a song in the sound of ocean waves.
My body lay
Embedded in the pillows of your hearts.
But
My spirit hasn’t got a set home.
I roam where I’m needed and
I need you to Believe this.
To see it’s not over
Just yet.
Hush now.
Rest.
I am stronger now than then.
So, don’t miss me in your pain.
I’d Never Want For You To Suffer.
Not to struggle.
NEVER WOULD I
So...
Don’t be so quick to mumble sorrow.
You mute my purpose with your cries.
Dry eyes
In the paradise I’ve left
Of memories.
Wet eyes
From the laughter in joy you receive from me.
Thank You
For singing, For praying,
For laying out a bed of soft thoughts.
I Love You
All
So don’t build a wall between us
Don’t send me too far from love
And don’t place me in some place you’ve never seen or heard of
Instead
Create a space for me in the playgrounds of your minds
So I can swing High up
For my feet to touch the trees!
Alright?
Hush now.
Put all your thoughts aside.
I need you to believe that I can and I DO
FLY!!

Discovering Phoenix

Silhouette’s reveal...
You are first God's cherished glimpse
Bringing dime store Cracker Jack box
sweet treasured prize
and every day penny laughs wrapped in Bazooka Joe
Untainted... plain perfect exposed
Visioning was to will be

NO! On sale now

Tell everyone!!!

NO! a profoundly brilliant film by Aishah Simmons on rape in the Black community
officially goes on sale at California Newsreel today!
Click here for info on buying the film!
http://www.newsreel.org/nav/title.asp?tc=CN0187

Please forward this to educators, activists and everyone you know for
two obvious reasons that i'll restate here

1. this film makes a revolutionary impact and is NEEDED in every community
2. Aishah deserves to be fully supported in continuing to do the brave
healing warrior work that she/we be doing

Every institution that you are affiliated with should own a copy of this film!!!!

Necessary to who

I’m not sure what to say... but she says I need
to tell you.
And she says this will be hard for you
So if seeing me means hurting you...tell me
how long do I have to hide?

And when I walk into light revealing true
And you say that I am new
And you say you never knew
I was there in that room
Cause then you wouldn’t do

What all little boys do

Cause mommy said you knew...
Little girls need hugs, love and lollipops
Jump ropes, barbies hopscotch.
T.V. tag, merry-go-rounds and The Wiz
And daddy said you knew…
Little girls run from dogs and are scared of thunderstorms

But you say you never knew
And you say that I am new
Cause if I was in that room…with little girl needs
There’s no way you would do
What all little boys do

I was there with needs… Not necessary to you

Not necessary so you can touch me
through mastered silent cries.
Shielding sister’s little girl sleep in cool September nights.
Not necessary so you undress me
through window fan hummed lulling breeze,
carrying under pillow paradise dreams to everyone but me.

Cause my pillow covered flowered underwear
The ones you not necessarily put there
Cause they’re not necessary for you to put back
on me
And it’s not necessary to breathe as you leave the room
And it’s not necessary to wipe away the drool
You left trickling down my ear

And she says it’s not necessary to fear you… now
And she says I need to tell you... now
And she says it will be hard for you... now

So ask her please…
What happens when I walk into light revealing true
And you say that I am new
And you say you never knew
that I was there too

Not necessarily for you...

From: An Invitation to Alyxe (cause inside girls wanna see light too)

Trapped below worlds
Secreting truth into shallow breath
across rooms, too dark for shadow’s cast
Muted whispers suppressing eternal
Pretend obscuring existence
u were there from the start

I knew
u
I Saw
u
I Ignored
u
Each time u cried.

Shattered to numb.
u are helpless, homeless fragments
Unaccustomed to Ballerina dreams
Unaware that beauty exists in an essence called u

I knew
u
I Saw
u
I Ignored
u
Each time u cried

Wondering why I’m calling to u
Uncertain of what I want from u
Sure that I will devastate u
one more time… again
Hoping that I can’t read u
Fearing that I will abandon u
Questioning…
If I’ve seen them too, why did I not protect u.
Who kept me blind to destruction, and how could I let them hurt u

I know/knew
u
I see /saw
u
I embrace/ignored
u
Each time we cry

Crawl…walk… tip toe… run
Just come to me Alyxe, come

I know
YOU
I see
YOU
I embrace
YOU
Each time it's YOU

YOU are dancing into free with Josephine
Singing songs of sweet mama duke's kiss
Immersed in Darden womb space
YOU are ancestor loved into ME

For my Sistahs

Your strength inspires but you are not required
to carry us.
We know you through unspoken tears...

Cry mother cry, silent daughter, amber child…
You are worthy of our ears.
Suffering blinds your legacy.
Martyrdom speaks no gift to pride.
Torture breeds pain to resistance.
Persecution feeds anger to death.
Unveil these eyes, let us bathe in tears
In facts we find strength.
Through loneliness relate,
Cry, sister cry, you needn’t stand stout
You are worthy of our ears.

Re- Imagining

Every three minutes
Every five minutes
Every ten minutes
Every day or (collaged voices remix a world)
And (our fire breath is a mantra for the new day)

By: Them funky fresh and oh so fly….AR Sistas

Every day unconditional love
Three days ago mommy’s chicken soup
Every three min surprised by how the same love stays new
Every day ginger lemonade
30 yrs ago a black love like blow(ed) out afro
Today an altar with excess hope

30 yrs ago polyester pants afro puff standing up
On my cousins big wheel
Throwing mail getting spankings…good times
Today faith in my mother
2 wks ago mama’s first poem in 20 yrs
Later in the day I write because of you

Immediately there is cause for celebration
Every day ushering a girl child into wombynhood
Today my baby brother is 16
michaiah swallowed the pool
and survived bloated and beautiful

today free books
UNC embraced UBUNTU
every ten min Jurina comes home
every three min a ten minute orgasm

every five min laughter from the belly
every ten min a foot massage
every day a song to dance to
a poem to walk to

every five min an innocent giggle
every day free fresh fruit
every ten min falling in love
every five min I speak/ I listen
I shimmy

Every ten min we smile accidentally
Every three min Rachel sings
Every day we sing a song by michell
Every five min clean water for all
Everyday someone gives away a gift
that’s special to them
Talya speaks
Every ten min grandma whispers a secret

Every three min I grow hummingbird wings
Every ten min a phoenix rises
I share my heart
Every five min I hear my god children’s voices
A flirty laugh on the back of the neck

Every three min I retrieve my ancestors memory
A woman safe
Every ten min a woman screams with joy and hugs another woman
Every day a scalp massage from someone who loves you

Every day chamomile and deep breath
Every five min a walk in the rain
I get to cheer someone up
Every day lavender frankincense myrrh (I want that)
Bath salt

every three min brilliant blue stars and unhinged eyes
every ten min jurina’s special cream cheese
and spinach omelets
every three min just because I am
every day rock my baby to sleep

thirty yrs ago somebody had a great dream
Woken up by laughter
And it was me
thirty yrs ago I was swinging in trees
three days ago roller skating with my kids

every three min breathing with myself
every five minutes I would learn a lesson once and not
have to learn it again
whispered truths remind me of me

every day a warm place to lay my head
a home filled with love
a good heart
I get wiser

every five min I get wiser

I SOAR ... I RISE

Thank my GRANDFATHER is what you said
for the cotton that covers your spine
Trampling my ancestry
Negating every part of me
Or so you thought
I soar motha Fucka
I Rise
You cannot touch me
My soul reside beyond reach
Beyond what eyes see
You can never touch me
Me who loves even you
Despite all the evil you do
You cannot see me
I reside among Gods
I soar Motha Fucka
I rise
I soar
I rise
I rise
I rise

50 words or less

Woman, Black, Heterosexual, Incest-Survivor
Woman, Black, Incest-Survivor
Woman, Black, Survivor
Woman, Heterosexual
WOMAN
Woman

Sexual Woman
Black Woman
Survivor Woman
SURVIVOR
Survivor

Sexual Survivor
Black Survivor
Woman Survivor

Woman
Survivor
Sexual
Black

Black Woman Sexual Survivor
- lack, - -man,
- lack, Sex- - -

SURVIVE
Survive
Survive Black
Survive Woman
Survive, Black, (51-Sexual), (52-Woman)

Never could follow directions...

Knowing
You asked for… "IT"
Helplessly
You chose… "IT"
Hopelessly
Letting …"IT"
enter you
Over…
And Over…
And Over…
Victim of …"IT"
Blaming…"IT"
Naming… "IT"
rape

Fact

How Do I feel about my Vagina?
Not so good. Which sucks for me I guess...
How I feel...VS... How it feels
Opposites I guess.
So my earliest memories of hating "IT" was when my brothers and their friends would touch "IT"
Always like I wasn't there, not important. If I could somehow detach "IT", leave "IT"...
come back and pick "IT" up later that would be great.
There was, after all, no curiosity about ME. No need to play with ME. Just "IT" and "IT" wasn't connected to ME at all.
I remember Oprah once talking about children feeling guilty for deriving phisical pleasure from abusers touching "IT".
My first reaction was "Damn I been cheated again... " cause I ain't feel nuthin.
When I was 18 I told my fiance that
I was abnormal because I'd never been sexually aroused. I mean I loved, and I do mean loved kissing. But I never had any desire to go any further. Anything beyond kissing made me invisible again and "IT" became the most important thing in the room.
Then I had sex, (I'd done plenty of other shit before that but never actual intercourse), and "IT" became a living breathing thing. "IT" had a life all it's own. Always responding, always ready and wet. It's what they love about "IT"
"Damn you're so wet girl!" Them feeling all powerful and shit thinking they're doing something spectacular to me, when "IT" is in complete control of the situation. "IT is doing what "IT" wants, feeling what "IT" wants to feel and "IT" ain't got nuthin to do with "ME".
And i'm kinda pissed off now... and a little bit sad
cause "IT" is decieving us all.